step 2:
write an article
by kennedy clark
how to enter awkward conversations:
a comprehensive guide
final draft
My editing process for this article focused on addressing the feedback I received on my first draft. It also addressed a few of the concerns I had during the drafting process. Major revisions involved providing more evidence for my claims, focusing my piece so it targets the broader Michigan community, and addressing the question: why does this all matter?
Omitting sentences and moving sentences was key to achieving these goals. Instead of attempting to explain certain terms I was using, I focused on staying true to the article’s original purpose: depicting the black experience. As a result, I omitted a researched definition of cultural whiteness and what it compels minorities to do. I replaced these sentences with tangible portrayals of cultural whiteness.
I was able to do this through the use of the first person. While writing the first draft, I felt compelled to use the second person but stuck to the third. I subconsciously wanted to make the piece into a personal narrative, placing the reader in a scene and enabling them to experience tailgating through a different perspective. Peer feedback indicated that using the first or second person could be effective, so I went ahead and inserted myself in the conversation. Ultimately, I used the first person to give my claims authority. It enabled me to bring in salient moments from my own experiences tailgating at Michigan that inspired me to write this piece.
editing
Addressing the question of so what was linked to the worries I had about alienating readers. These worries are evidenced by the first comment bubble to the right. I felt like the claim, representations of non-student blacks on game day are reminiscent of those from pre-civil rights eras, was too bold. However, it answered the question of so what, but not in direct relation to students. To create this connection, I showed the extent to which black students have historically struggled on campus and demonstrated that black students today are aware of this struggle. I used examples like student participation in "Black Twitter" and social media activism to demonstrate this awareness. The brainstorming of these examples is evidenced by the second comment box.
I concluded the piece with a separate section titled Moving Forward. This section allowed me to address my exigence and to provide more evidence through the words of a fellow black Michigan student. Although I do not provide a solution for what should be done moving forward, I do state what a diverse campus will mean for black students. I point out that the legacy of racism still manifests itself today. This conclusion readdresses this statement, but also implicates black students as making choices that are reminiscent of the ones their ancestors made to survive in a white supremacist society. My concluding lines and final draft can be read below.
Seeking to invite strangers into my cross-cultural conversation about race, I wrote an article for Michigan's student run newspaper, the Michigan Daily. The article seeks to demonstrate how one's collegiate experience at the University of Michigan differs on the basis of race. It uses tailgating as a lens through which one can examine these differential experiences. This page offers a loosely structured reflection on each major step taken to produce a polished piece. The final draft of the article is located at the bottom of the page. It is titled "Navigating Cultural Whiteness: a Game Day Exposition on College Climate at Michigan."
draft one
proposal
I set out attempting to give blackness some wiggle room and demonstrate that blackness could not be defined. But I also sought to expose predominately white institutions (PWIs) that sold a false picture of diversity to its applicants. Thinking of my brother and my underprivileged high school, I wanted to demonstrate the cultural clash that occurs on college campuses when black students enter white spaces. Below is a document that delineates my initial plans for the article.
These plans changed. I went out on a football Saturday to capture a few photos for the article, and decided to focus the entire piece on tailgating. Originally, the article was going to be broad, I was barely going to mention tailgating or football. But my experience interacting with people on the streets, lawns, and sidewalks of Ann Arbor, inspired me to use tailgating as a point of access through which my reader could grapple with cultural clashes they may be unaware of. Everyone knows about tailgating. Not everyone knows how black students potentially experience it.
Draft one of the article describes the tailgating experience through the eyes of a random black student on campus. The student encounters instances where tailgating is marked by a cultural whiteness that bars black students from fully participating in game day activities.
They also encounter black people who are not students, and they encounter a few who are. The representation of the former is a minor theme that seeks to show how the images of African Americans from the Reconstruction/Jim Crow Era linger today. Although the piece is not a narrative, it is shaped and inspired by my own personal narrative that produced the photographs within the article. Draft one is accessible below.
